Currently available on Netflix
Director: Mark Cullen
Starring: Bruce Willis, John Goodman, and Thomas Middleditch
Why do I keep doing this to myself. This movie is awful, poorly thought out, and just an all around waste of talent. Casual racism and poor physical comedy seem to be the only vehicles for humor in this “comedy.” Oh wait, nevermind, I forgot about the suicide and dick jokes.
Bruce Willis is a Venice Beach lifer. He’s former cop turned private eye. His dog gets kidnapped so naturally he kills a bunch of people to get him back, all the while solving the cases of The Samoans, Lew the Jew, and Spyder (the Mexican gangster)… seriously. But how do you squander John Goodman? He’s the panacea to bad movies, but even he’s bad here too. He’s apparently too fat and ugly to deserve happiness, which is where all the “fun” suicide jokes enter the picture. The action scenes are bland and pointless. They only suggest that maybe Bruce Willis and John Goodman should avoid roles with action sequences.
Once Upon a Time in Venice is the movie equivalent of doing airplane jokes as your stand up set. The jokes are trite, rarely funny, and often irritating.
Is it Watchlist-worthy? No